


Somebody that I use to Know

by Brandon_p



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: M/M, Some Sex, it's connected to another story, told in flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-03-30 20:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brandon_p/pseuds/Brandon_p
Summary: "What happened to us?" He turned away, he couldn't even look his past lover in the face."I love you John" Roger said, still holding on. Holding onto the hope they could still be together, like when they where young."I love you too" he turned back around "but not in that way" he slowely felt his heart shatter. "It's too late Roger".How the love between Roger Taylor and John deacon, blossomed, strived and then fell apart.





	1. Remember

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be kind of short but it's connected to my other story called Rufus and Luke. I hope you like this.  
> -Brandon

_ Now and then I think of when we were together _

_ Like when you said you felt so happy you could die _

_ Told myself that you were right for me _

_ But felt so lonely in your company _

_ But that was love and it's an ache I still remember _

 

Roger Meddows Taylor 72, looked down at the plot of land before him. The sky was a dark shade of grey like the sweater John would wear on a cold sunday. It was raining in tears, almost the same amount as Roger had when he heard the news.  _ Open your eyes love. _ The voice spoke, but it was distant and seemed to be from a time that was so long ago. He listened and opened his big blue eyes. 

He looked at himself, his hands were wrinkled and now littered with tattoos.  _ Deaky always hated guys in tattoos _ . His body was bigger and of course wrinkled, he remembered when he was 19 and would promise himself he would never grow old. How  _ foolish _ . He ran his hands through his thinning grey hair.  _ “I like your hair” John ran his fingers through his lovers long blonde hair and looked at him with a deep stair _ .  

John Richard Deacon

1951-2021 

Father, husband and legend. 

 

The plack was simple, just like how John liked everything. He remembered when they use to despise the simple things, like death. Roger wiped the tears from his eyes, his nose was red from crying so much. He didn’t wanna cry anymore. “John, John, Deaky, joh-” if he kept repeating his name them maybe he would come back.  

_ “Roger, Roger, Roggie, Rog” his head was laid against Roger’s chest and he was looking up at him.  _

“Deaky I’m sorry” he choked on his words like they were made of fire. He was sorry, for everything. For not trying to contact him again, for not holding on, for not loving him hard or kissing him when he said goodbye. He was sorry, so, so sorry. “If I could go-go back” he took a deep breath and continued “I would have, i-i would have never let you go” he broke down. The drummer of queen, the best drummer in the world was crying in the middle of a cemetery over a man he hadn't talked to in 15 years. 

15 years was a lifetime ago, just like how 1971 was so long ago. You can’t change the past, he knew that but he didn’t wanna accept it. His head hurt, his heart hurt. He closed his eyes again, hoping if he thought hard enough then John would still be alive. John would be with him, he could be young again and they would be together again. That didn’t happen, instead, he just thought and thought. He went back to the time when they were young.   

* * *

 

_ 1970  _

“ROGGIE” Freddie ran into his bedroom it was 10 AM and Roger was still fast asleep. “Blonde, get your ass up” Rogers flamboyant roommate grabbed a pillow and hurled it at him, finally waking the blonde up from his deep slumber. 

“What?” Roger stretched his arms open on his messy bed and rubbing his forehead to get rid of his massive headache. He may or may not have been drinking out all last night, barely remembering anything that happened. His room was a mess from when he stumbled last night, his drums were tucked in the far corner and on his desk was a huge pile of biology and dentistry books for class. 

“We’re late for the market, now get up or I’ll throw something harder than pillows” Freddie shut the door to get himself ready, most likely picking something that would not fit the weather of that day. He dragged himself out of bed, bones aching and cracking as he walked to his closet. He looked at himself in the mirror, he was 21 and his face was free of wrinkles and his hair a bright blonde and past his shoulder. He slipped on a large baby blue button-up with lace white flowers on the shoulders, he always wore the first three buttons open for comfort. He slipped on his pink glitter sneakers, Freddie always said they were the most hideous things but they were the only pair of comfortable sneakers he had. “Fred that crazy bastard” he chuckled to himself, running his hands through his hair that was riddled with knots. 

He had been living with the flamboyant male for a few months since they started working together in Kensington Market. Freddie was his best friend and a singer in his band called queen, he was still quite new since their old singer left for a band with some god awful name. The other part of their band was his other friend Brian, guitarist and astrophysics. He was an amazing guitarist and Roger had known him for many years before they met Freddie. 

“Finally your ready” Freddie sighed as the blonde stepped into their small kitchen in their London apartment. “What’s the big rush Fred?” he walked over to the coffee machine that had only a few drops of coffee in it, but it would do. 

“The shows today and it’s always a busy day” Queen would be having another show that night and it seemed to be their biggest one yet and they had been practicing for it for the last few weeks. 

“Still can’t we sleep in?”. 

“NO, now off we go” he tugged Roger by his shirt making he not take a sip of his coffee as they headed off to Kensington 

 

“What the bloody hell is that?”. 

“A jacket...or something that looks like a jacket” Roger held up the piece of fabric that he had been working on all afternoon to his black-haired poodle friend. Brian was sitting on one of the couches near the back of their stall and reading an astrology book. 

“Why would anyone wanna buy that?” Brian asked, not looking up from his book. 

“It’s….unique” he put the clothing down and gave up on it, he was a drummer and not a fashion designer. 

“Rog, I sold another pair of your shoes” Freddie came to the back with a few pounds in his hand that he was counting. 

“Thanks, gonna sell anything else of mine?” it was always his clothes. 

“Other than your organs, yes” he joked and put the pounds in the cash box “put that thing down, and do some promoting”. He handed him some leaflets for their show and he agreed begrudgingly. The inside of the shop was relatively quiet except for the rush of people outside that were heading off to work. The blonde leaned against the window of the shop and noticed someone coming in. 

It was a guy, he looked quite young maybe around Rogers age. His skin was pale and his eyes where a light green and grey. His hair was dark brown and reached down to his shoulder with bangs across his forehead. He didn’t know why the man caught his eyes, he just seemed so out of place. He didn’t look like their regular customers and he kept looking at a piece of jewelry that Freddie made. 

“Need any help?” Roger spoke to him, the man looked up like a deer in headlight. The blonde suddenly realized how beautiful his eyes where.      

“Um, yeah I do” his voice was quiet and low, with a very unique accent “Do you have any amps?. 

“I don’t know if you’ve realized this but this is a clothing store” he gestured all around the store and saw the man’s cheeks turn a bright red. “Just taking the piss” Roger showed his cocky smile which seemed to make the man even more flustered. “We don’t have amps but my band is-”.

“Having the greatest show in all of London” Freddie burst into the shop from the back with his hands over his head like he was a bird.  “Queen, the greatest band in London that hasn't been discovered yet will be performing at imperial college at 7 tonight, we would love for you to be there” he took a leaflet from Rogers' hand and placed it in the man’s hand. The man was quiet for the entire conversation and looked at the leaflet like it was some strange artifact. 

“Thanks, I’ll check it out” he nodded his head and gave a small smile before leaving the stall, still looking at the leaflet. 

“Quiet little mouse” Freddie looked at the guy as he left. 

“I think you guys scared him away” Brian poked his head into the store, leaning against the couch. 

“I think we promoted pretty well” Roger gave Freddie a high five. He made sure to remember the man's face just in case he really did come. He didn’t know what to think of him, he seemed quiet but he seemed to be into music just like him. Something about him caught his attention, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

 

“Rog, you got the popcorn?” Brian carried in a huge jug to orange juice. 

“Yep, Fred you got everything else?” Roger looked over at Freddie who was playing with the hem of his black shirt.        

“I was supposed to be doing something?” he looked up from his shirt. Brian was rolling his eyes in announce as they sat the food down. 

“Nevermind, let’s just start getting set up” Brian started unloading his Red Special and Roger went to set up his kit. It was pretty old since they couldn’t afford to buy a new one, but it was played with love. 

“Look who I see outside” Freddie poked his head through the window of the concert hall and saw the line of people that were going to attend the show. Roger poked his head through the window and saw the same guy who he saw at the store. He was standing near the end with his hands in his pockets and looking around the crowd “Rog, I think you have a new stalker”.

“I do not” he wrapped his arm around his shoulder. 

“Yes you do, you made him blush” he teased as they moved away from the window. He thought back to their interaction, he barely said anything to him but the guy seemed to be getting flustered. It was kind of adorable.  

 

Another show, another night of shot adrenaline pumping through his veins as he played. Roger really did love playing, playing with Freddie and Brian especially. They weren’t the best band in the world but they had a lot of potentials. Roger noticed the guy he met throughout the entire show, he didn’t look too impressed but he was grooving to the music and doping back and forth.  “THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT” Freddie yelled into the microphone as the show came to an end and a row of applause filled the room, everyone was entranced with Freddie’s voice. 

“You all sounded great,” Brian said as they came backstage, their hands and body covered in sweat from the sheer amount of playing they had been doing all night. 

“Liar was great but we’re still missing…” 

“Bass” they all spoke in unison, their last bass player quit a few days ago and left them all in the dust. They planned on taking auditions tomorrow but nothing seemed too promising. 

“We’ll get someone, umm I’m gonna go get some drinks” Roger left the backstage and came out into the concert hall that had a bar on one side. He was met with a few familiar faces, fangirls who always wanted his number or other drummers who wanted him in their band. He waited against the bar for his drink when he noticed the guy he met waiting in the corner by himself. “Hey” he brought up the courage to talk to guy and he gave a small wave as he came over. 

“Hey, Roger right?” the guy asked, the blonde suddenly realized he didn’t know the other guy's name.

“The one and only, I didn’t get yours through” the blonde gave him a charismatic smile that seemed to win everyone over.    

“John Deacon” he held out his hand to shake with a cute smile. 

“What did you think of the show?” Roger asked taking a sip of his beer and leaning against the bar. 

“It was okay, just not….” he looked for the words to say his opinion. 

“Amazing? Sounds like a challenge, at least your honest” he noticed John staring at him, looking him right in the eye “You play music?”. 

“Bass, but I don’t have a band yet and I can’t sing” he laughed at himself and pushed his hair behind his shoulder. 

“We’re looking for a bassist, auditions are tomorrow if your interested” he could see John retreating into himself. 

“Yeah, sound cool” he nodded looking at the floor. 

“Your a quiet little mouse” Roger commented, they seemed to be completely different people. Roger was outgoing, loved to joke around, loud like the drums he played. John was quiet but he opened up after a while, kind of like he did with Roger.     

“I’m not much for conversation, but I’ll make sure to come to that audition” he seemed to grow more and more comfortable. 

“I’m counting on you being there, don’t pussy out” he smiled and went off with his beer in hand, John stared at him as he walked away.  

 

“You convinced him to come?”. 

“Yep, he seems promising” Freddie was shocked when the blonde told him he got John to audition. Freddie didn’t really know the guy except for what Roger had told him. 

“Did you even hear him play?” Brian asked they had already gone through about 4 bassists. 

“Nope, but he had a nice personality, kind of quiet but there’s something” Roger was mindlessly playing on the drums and waiting for the other to arrive. There ended up being six people auditioning, including John who was the last to show. Somewhere good but were kind of pricks. Brian and Roger did most of the judging since they knew what they were looking for. Roger was looking for someone, not an ass and Brian wanted to get the best. Then John came in. 

“Hi, I’m John Richard Deacon born the 19th of August, 1951” his voice was shaky and they thought it quite strange on why he gave his whole life story for the audition.  

“Hey John” Roger waved at him, it seemed to help be a little less nervous and his shoulders seemed to relax. 

“Hi, umm I’m gonna play a piece I wrote myself” He stuttered a little bit but when he was playing he was focused. It was like the world around him didn’t exist and he was only worried about the notes and sound he was making. Roger had never seen anything like it before, he almost zoned out on his playing.  

“I think we found out bassist” Roger whispered to his poodle-haired friend while John was still playing, he could sit and watch him play for hours. The look in his eyes told Roger everything he needed to know. He was passionate about music even though he didn’t show it, the same as Roger. Roger could already see something between them, platonically. A thought of romance didn’t appear until after John’s first show with them… 

 

“Fred I’m not sure this outfit is for me”. 

“Don’t be ridiculous darling it looks great, don’t you think so Roger?” Freddie had convinced John to wear an all-black outfit with a top that had flowers on it, not at all like John’s style. John turned around for Roger to have a look at the outfit, he thought looked stupid on him. Roger got up from the couch in their flat and took a closer look at the man in front of him. John was staring at him, looking for a sign of disapproval or liking but he instead took a piece of John’s long hair and pushed it in front of his shoulders. 

“Looks good, your hair looks nicer in the front” Roger looked up at John, he was almost entranced with him. Though he didn’t like to admit it. John was quiet but Roger always tried to figure out what he was thinking if he was happy or sad but he never could. He was an open book of mystery. 

“Thank you, Roger, for liking my fashion choice” Freddie looked at himself, looking amazing as always. John sometimes wished he could look as good as the rest of them, but he liked things more plain and simple. TO him Roger was the most interesting, always wearing something with a weird pattern or something that was in the women's department. 

“Five minutes till showtime, you ready Deaky?” Brian came in. John had a soft spot for the nickname he was given, Roger was the one who started it as a joke. 

“Hey, good luck” Freddie patted him on the shoulder, he had also grown close to the flamboyant singer. He almost acted like that of a big brother, their love for Freddie was another thing him and Roger had in common. 

“Deaky you’ll do great, break a leg” Roger gave him a thumbs up with a big smile, he looked at him longer than he meant to. 

“I would say the same, except you have a pattern of falling down” Deaky joked he was finally beginning to feel more comfortable like he was part of something. 

“Wanker” Roger muttered back as they entered the stage on another show. 

 

“Deaky, great show the people loved you” Roger came up behind him as they were packing up their equipment after the show. John was having a great time, doping back and forth to the music and playing with all his heart. 

“Thanks, you were great as well,” John noticed how Roger would hit his drums with a fiery passion, focusing on the music and nothing else. 

“Thanks, umm I was wondering if you have any plans tomorrow?” Roger had asked tons of women out before, but he seemed almost nervous when asking him a simple question. 

“Not really, why do you ask?” He looked up from his bass that he was packing and saw Roger showing an awkward smile.     

“Do you wanna get some drinks, I know a really cool pub down the road” play it cool Roger, play it cool. 

“Oh, sounds nice are Freddie and Brian coming as well?” John thought it would be nice for the whole band to bond together. 

“No, just the two of us” he felt his palms start to sweat, maybe this wasn't a good idea.

“Oh, then I would love to go” he gave the cute little smile that almost made Roger smile to himself. He was surprised when Roger asked him out, out of all people. He didn’t know how to feel, it was just a friendly hang out right? What if it wasn't? Did he want it to be more than a date? 

Roger had never had feelings for a man, never thought he would. He had a soft spot for the brunette man, he seemed so different from anyone he’d ever met.

* * *

 

“My little boy has got a date with a boy” Freddie smothered him like a mother whose son is going on his first date with a girl. 

“Shut it” Roger was adjusting his flowers jacket in the mirror and running his hands through his hair in order to make it less a little less ragged. “I may have never been on a date with a boy but at least I won’t be stuck at home with the pussies” he was talking about four of Freddie’s cats that practically owned the house. 

“At least I’m getting pussy, and I thought I was the gay one” he laid down on Rogers bed and flipped through one of Rogers biology books. 

“You are the gay one”. 

“I’m not gay, I like….vaginas...and tits… and assholes OF WOMEN” he exaggerated the women part. 

“Should I bring him something?” he never did extra things for a date, but this one was different. 

“Why are you worrying about this so much, aren’t you just gonna sleep with him and then go?” Roger had been like that for all his other dates, sleep with them and then leave them the very same night. He would be working with John so he couldn't do that and wouldn't do that. John seemed like the one of person who was sensitive, it pained Roger to think that he could hurt him. 

“I won't do that... It's just” he didn't know how to talk about it, he wasn't a very serious person.

“Just calm down, have fun and don't get arrested or I'll have to bail you out with money we don't have” Freddie have his friend a hug of encouragement and then they heard a knock on the door. “Prince charming is here” he ran to open the door before Ruger could catch him. 

“Hey Freddie,” John said a small hello as he entered their small London apartment. “Hey, Roger” Roger stared at him for a second, like he was processing what John looked like. 

“Hey Deaky” he came to the man, handshake or hug? He went with a hug, John gave the best hugs. 

“Now, young man I want my son home by midnight or else” Freddie wrapped his arms around John in a protective stance. 

“Fuck you” Roger replied in a playful manner as he took John's hand in his and lead him out. 

“Love you too,” Freddie said as he watched them leave, Roger nearly tripping over one of the cats on his way out. 

 

Roger hadn't realized he was holding Johns hand until they arrived at the pub. John wasn't complaining, he quite enjoyed the feeling of the blondes warm hands in that cold night. They walked since it was only down the road and it seemed like a nice time for a walk.  “I realize I don't actually know much about you” Roger brought it up as they walked. 

“Well, what do you want to know?” John was usually never the one to talk about himself, he preferred to listen. 

“Everything, your childhood, your family, why you play the bass, everything” he was genuinely curious. 

“well I was born in Leicester, I have no siblings and I started playing the bass when I was 14” he had a normal childhood and life. 

“Why'd you come to England?”. 

“I'm in college for electronics and London just seemed like the right place”. 

“You study electronics?” It seemed to fit him, something simple but yet so complicated. 

“Yeah, that's how I built my own amp” the amp was his prized possession, Roger was more than impressed when he discovered that he built it himself. “How about you, your life is probably more interesting than my”. 

“I'm from Kings Lynn, I play different instruments but I love drums the most and I'm studying dentistry and biology” he didn't actually want to be a dentist. 

“I can't picture you as a dentist” John laughed, Roger always thought his laugh was cute. 

“Neither can I, I'm just doing it cause my parents wanted me too” specifically his father did “but I think I'm pretty smart if I do say so myself”. He was known as the stupid blonde but he always got good grades and put his all into his work.  

“I can tell” he felt Roger hold his hand a little tighter, their shoulders rubbed together as they walked. Like they were connected, mentally and physically. They arrived at the pub, passing many drunk people as they entered and disco music was blaring. Rogers least favorite kind of music, but John seemed to be getting into the groove. 

“You order, I'll be right back” he let go of John's hand if almost felt wrong not holding it. John seemed to get himself comfortable near the bar while Roger went off to the bathroom. Of course, some people recognized Roger, he was known all over London. Three girls, he knew started up a conversation as he was heading towards the bar, one of them he uses to date.

He couldn't just leave so he played along, chatting and rejecting every suggestive offer they gave him. “Sorry, I'm on a date” he finally found a way to break away and could see the disappoint on the girl's faces when they realized Roger was with someone. He felt bad, having disappeared from his date to chat and not telling John. He didn't wanna mess this one up like he had all the others. John didn't seem phased when Roger came back like he hadn't really realized he was missing. 

“Sorry, got caught up in some time” he apologized as he came back and John gave him a smile of understanding. 

“It's fine” he wasn't upset in the slightest. Roger looked down at the bar and saw what he had been doing, there were four empty shot glasses and a half branked cocktail. 

“You drank all that already” he saw John in a whole other light, guess he wasn't as innocent as he thought. 

“Yeah...I can get kind of weird when drunk, another three” the bartender nodded to him and filled his shot glasses. Then he got another three, and another three, and another three. He drank more than Roger, weird little mouse.

* * *

 

“FUCK, I think I had too much” Roger was leaning up against John as he stumbled out of the pub. Roger drank less but be acted like he has more, John drank a lot but seemed to act fairly sober. “you dance well” he had observed John all throughout the night, the way his body moved to the music like none was watching. 

“I'm not very good” John felt his cheeks turning red as he remembered himself dancing and the blonde looking at him like he was made of gold. 

“It's cute, just like you” he slurred his words and stumbled a little as he walked. 

“Thanks” he became redder and let out a small drunken laugh. 

“I'm serious” he stood up and grabbed onto John's hand again, stopping him in his tracks. “Can I kiss you?” He sounded serious and placed his other hand on Johns' cheek, messaging his cheek. 

“I don't know” he wasn't sure. He grew up Catholic, always told what he was doing was wrong and a sin. But this sin felt so right.

“We don't have to if you don't-” John slammed his lips onto the blondes and kissed him with a freeing passion. Roger kissed him harder and faster, feeling their lips meet in a dance. The smell of booze and cigarettes on their breath. Their hot tongues meeting and fighting for control until one of them pulled away. “Fuck” John pulled away as realized he had pushed Roger against a brick wall. 

No one was around them, no one saw their omission of passion expects for them. Roger wiped the small dribble of saliva from his mouth and felt his slightly red lip from when John has sucked it a little bit. “You wanna stay the night at my place” the blonde offered, he could see the cogs working in John's head. If he slept with Roger he could wake up tomorrow and regret it, it could ruin the chance he had with the band. Or he could do it and live with no regrets. Fuck it. 

“Yes, I would like to” they walked the rest of the way back to his flat. As there reached the door the blonde turned to him and kissed him, gently almost like saying he would take care of him. He kissed back and they entered the flat. 

 

The couple made their way straight to his bedroom, he had cleaned it up a little before he left. Freddie had left them a small surprise, a few candles littered his bedside with a pile of condoms and some lube. Next to it was a little note saying “Have fun -Freddie :)”. 

“Fucking Freddie” Roger said as he read his friends note, making mental note to thank him and kill him later. He had other responsibilities to take care of first. “You okay?” he held John by his arm and spoke to him softly, gently moving his hair out of his face. 

“Yes, just never did this before” he looked down at the floor but the blonde moved his head to look at him straight in the eyes. 

“Me neither” they both giggled and smiled at each other “I’m not gonna hurt you, just tell me to stop if you wanna stop”. He kissed him gently, making him feel safe and secure. He felt Rogers hands around his spin, worn out from drumming but gentle. Slowly he felt his shirt unbuttoning and pants coming down, a sensation he’s never felt before. He enjoyed it. 

He enjoyed it more than anything. He never thought about having feelings for the blonde, or that the blonde would have feelings for him. He could feel something blossom within him, passion and maybe  _ love.  _ It was too early to tell, but there was  _ something _ .  __


	2. Bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger get closer and closer.

_ 1970 _

“Good morning” Roger rubbed his eyes as he awoke from the best sleep of his young life. The sun was coming from his curtains and shining on him and tell a person who was laying next to him on the bed. He turned around to see who was talking to him. John looked beautiful in the morning, his long hair over his face and his grey eyes that pierced through his soul. 

“Morning” Roger moved the hair out of John's face to get a good look at him. His eyes were partly closed and he was naked and at that moment Roger realized he was also naked. The blonde propped up in his elbow and kissed Johns eyelids which made them open. “Your beautiful” he spoke and then suddenly a massive headache came over him. 

“You okay?” John sat up when he saw Roger rubbing his head.

“Hangover, what happened yesterday?” Roger sat up and leaned his head over the side of his bed. 

“We went out drinking and then we umm” John's face was pressed into his shoulders and his arms were wrapped around his waist. He peppered soft kisses on his back and neck. 

“I remember, you want some tea?” He asked and John nodded without speaking. The blonde stubbled his way into the kitchen while ignoring the pile of dirty dishes and opening the cabinet full of tea and sugar. Chamomile was the only thing left so that would have to do. He started up the kettle and waited, the flat was so quiet except for the cats meowing from all over the house. He grabbed a few biscuits before returning to his bedroom with two cups in hand. 

“Thank you” John gave him a tired smile when he handed him the warm cup. They drank and ate on the bed, Roger not really caring if they got crumbs on the bed or floor. 

“Have you ever done anything like that before?” Roger asked out of the blue, he was still kind of shocked about last night. 

“No, not with a guy or with anymore else” he admitted and his cheeks turned a light shade of red from embarrassment. 

“I popped your cherry” he sounded quite proud of himself. Maybe not the best pillow talk in the world.  

“Don’t say it like that” he shoved Roger playfully in the shoulder and set his cup down to cover his cheeks. 

“Fine, sorry” he wrapped his arm around John’s shoulder. John looked up from the cover and ran his hand over Rogers' cheek. Roger leaned in and kissed him, John could still feel that tingly feeling in his chest as he kissed back.

“Your breath smells bad,” John said as they pulled away which made Roger burst into laughter. 

“And you say I can’t be romantic”  he kissed him back despite his breath and ran his hands through his long brown hair. He never felt so alive in that very moment. He didn’t want to leave that bed with his lover, he wanted to keep that secure feeling.  _ To this day he still remembered that feeling.  _

 

_ 1971 _

“So you’ve finally gotten tired of me” Freddie was leaning against a box of packed things that sat on the couch. 

“Yes, I have,” Roger said sarcastically as he packed the last of his things in another box. Roger and John were now finally moving in with each other. Roger was the one who suggested it and John was still a little hesitant. 

“I’m so offended” he ran his hand over his forehead dramatically and sat down on the bed that was now stripped of sheets and covers. 

“Are you going to help or not?” he picked up a heavy box and placed it next to the door of the flat. He had lived with Freddie for a few years now and it almost seemed weird living on his own. Freddie was happy for him and John plus he wouldn’t be lonely since he had his 5 cats to keep him company. 

“Are you going to miss uncle Roger?” Freddie talked to one of the cats as he stroked it’s soft fur and kissed its small head. 

“I ain’t gonna be missing you pussies” he pointed at the cats as they stared at him like they were judging him. 

“Hey, don’t be mean” he cuddled the cat closer and gave his fake innocent look “Well I’m gonna miss you”. He sounded genuinely sad. 

“Freddie, we work together and I see you at least 5 times a week” he did have a point since Freddie was his best friend and moving a few blocks away wasn't going to change anything. 

“Still” he got up from the couch and held his arms out for a hug, Roger contemplated just flipping him off as a joke but hugged him instead. “I can’t annoy you as much and I can’t do your makeup”. 

“You mean to torture me” he pulled away from the hug. 

“I like torturing you” he pinched Rogers cheeks in a way he hated “Also good luck moving because I can’t lift anything”. He slipped back into his room and left Roger with all the boxes to move down a flight of stairs. 

 

“Babe what the fuck do you have in this box that can make it this heavy?!” Roger sat or more like dropped the box onto the floor of the empty flat. 

“Projects” John answered short and innocently while carrying a box that barely weighed anything. Roger took a look inside the box and found a series of parts, none of them seemed to fit together and were in no particular rhyme or reason. 

“What are you building?” Roger held up a chunk of loose wires and looked at them in his hand. 

“Different things but nothing in particular” John put his hand into the box to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind. 

“What could you possibly be making with a bunch of broken wire” he sat them back in the box and started walking around their new apartment. Looking through all the windows and running his fingers along the walls. 

“They don’t look like anything now but they make something once you realize what you're looking for” he closed up the box and followed the blonde with his eyes as he looked around the place. “Also, we don’t have a real bed yet” he pointed to the mattress that was lying on the floor with just a plain white sheet on it and no covers or blankets. 

“It’ll do” Roger smiled at him and plopped himself on the mattress and letting his legs and arms spread open. He looked like a blonde angel. 

 

“Here you go” Roger handed John his cup of tea and laid down next to him on the bed. Their dinner that night had been a can of beans and tea, wasn’t the most luxurious house warming dinner but it was something. The flat was empty except for boxed and the mattress since they didn’t have any furniture. They didn’t have any money for a lot of furniture. That was one thing about their life together, they were dirt poor but they were happy. Roger loved money and the idea of spending money without any care but John never cared for money and was quite cheap even when they did have money to throw away. 

They seemed to compromise, they could live happily being poor as long as they were rich in love and excitement. Roger felt like a millionaire. 

“Roggie, what’s that?” John looked at something that Roger was clenching in his other hand. 

“I got you a gift” he sat up in bed and moved the stray pieces of blonde hair out of his face. John sat his warm cup down to look his lover straight in his beautiful face. “Since we're moving in together I thought this was only fitting” he unclenched his hand and relieved a small see-through fabric bag with two little objects inside. He opened the bag and inside were two black rings. 

“Roger you really didn’t have to” he looked down at the rings that were probably the nicest thing someone has ever given him.

“Try them on, I wasn't sure what size soo” he slipped the ring on his finger and it seemed to be a perfect size and Roger slipped him on. Roger took John's hand in his and looked at it with such detail and he slowly entwined their fingers so that he could feel their rings together. Their hands seemed to be hand made for each other. Rogers hand where always rough from the sheer force of playing and John’s where marked up from playing and had imprints of the strings in them. 

Holding hands was something so simple but also so intimate and gentle. Like two heart connecting together to form one.     

“It’s amazing Roger” he admired the ring and let go of his hand. He would have been happy to hold onto it forever and kiss up to the blondes damaged and dry palms and fingers. 

“Can I kiss you?” Roger asked with a cocky smile like he was almost embarrassed. He still liked to ask to kiss him sometimes as John would ever say no but he never did. John nodded and closed his eyes as their lips touched and he held onto the side of Rogers' face. He felt his scalp being played with as they kissed, he pushed into it until he had knocked Roger onto his back and he was practically crawling on top of him.

“Wow” Roger was laying on his back as he pulled away from the kiss and looked at John. His lips were red from the kissing and strands of his brown hair were sticking up.   

“Kiss me again” John grabbed the back of Roger blonde hair and kissed him again like it was the last thing he would ever do. He ran his hands onto his chest and started pulling off his shirt that was wide open. 

“Lay down,” Roger said into the kiss and John laid down so the blonde could be on top and he started kissing down his face. Starting at his chin and then moving to his neck to suck a hickey into his pale skin. He admired all the imperfections in John’s skin, every pimple or mole that would make him embarrassed and would kiss it. He moved from his neck and onto his bare chest and kept going lower, and lower, and lower. 

Their lovemaking could be described in two words: Gentle and rough. Gentle in the way Roger would kiss him like he was the only man in the world and would make sure he was comfortable. Roger was almost always on top but John was versatile, sometimes he could be a moaning mess or want to tell the blonde exactly how he liked it. Roger loved to make John feel good and loved and exactly as he deserved.

It could be rough in the way Roger could go on for so long and make John fall apart in a single kiss. He seemed to never get tired and would have a cocky smile on his face as his lover seemed to be getting worn out. John never lasted long (Misfire starts playing in the background) and Roger knew that but never let up even after he was finished. It was always enjoyable and they had come up with rules that they had to follow:. 

  1. No denial 
  2. No pain (sometimes are exceptions) 
  3. No constrictions (tying or holding down)  



They were good with rules and keeping to them for pleasure sake. John never felt unsafe with Roger or scared of him even when he was angry. Roger would never hurt John, it would be like hurting himself. He was protective and almost too protective. It lead to some very weird Saturday nights at the bar… 

 

_ 1972  _

“You wanker!” Roger sat his empty glass of beer on the table. He and Brian were having a drinking contest and Brian had won by a landslide  Freddie and John were watching as they competed, laughing at their bickering and cheering them on. 

“Don’t be mad just because I won” Brina smirked at his blonde bandmate as his face turned a little red from the alcohol that was just now affecting him. Brian was never much of a drinker so it took him a while to get used to it.

“I’ll get you next time” he gave a drunken laugh as John smiled at him like the dork he was. Freddie was laying on his shoulder and was looking at all the fit men as they passed their table.   

“I think you’ve had enough for tonight” John took his cup and Roger looked at his boyfriend with a wanting look. 

“Maybe I haven't” he moved the glass back his way and gave him a sloppy drunk kiss. It was wet and his breath smelled like cheap beer but he still kissed back. Brian and Freddie watched from the corner since they were used to this now.    

“Yes you have” he spoke in a deadpan voice and helped a very drunk Roger up from their booth. “I’m gonna get him home” John pointed to Roger as he wrapped his arm around his shoulder as the blonde tried drunkenly to pull his sunglasses on without hitting himself in the eyes.  

“Okay, see you guys tomorrow,” Freddie said, blowing a small kiss as a goodbye. 

“Night, be safe” Brian waved bye to the couple as they started leaving. 

“Bye poodle man” Roger muttered as they left and he started giggling to himself at his own joke. “Johnny” he moaned which caught John's attention “Do you love me?”. John stopped in his tracks and he suddenly remembered he they have never said ‘I love you’. It wasn't that he didn’t love Roger, he just didn’t know how to express it. He had thought about saying it many times. 

During a late night as they were laying in bed or in the morning while sleeping in each other’s arms. He wasn't ready to say it in the middle of a London street late at night with Roger so drunk he probably wouldn’t remember it. “Yes Roger I do” he didn’t say the real words but he implied it and Roger was giggling to himself. 

“That’s nice” was his response as he kept giggling. John rolled his eyes and kept on dragging him home. The street was covered by drunk bar-goers, holding empty glasses and going on drink rambles to their friends or random people who were hanging outside. 

“Hey, pretty lady” a guy called out in John and Rogers way. John turned to face him with Roger still hanging off his arm, it was pretty common for people to mistake Roger or John for girls since they had long hair. It also didn’t help that it was dark. The man could see that they were guys and smirked even wider “oh shit you're a dude even better”. John rolled his eyes and kept walking and deciding to pay the guy no mind, but Roger was having none of it. 

“Hey, this is my bitch back off” Roger turned to the man and pointed his hand right at John which made him wanna run and pretend he didn’t know him. 

“Really what are you gonna do about it” The man came closer to them and bawled his hands into fists. John knew this wasn't going to end well, he tried pulling Roger away but he wasn't backing down. 

“Roger don’t” John warned holding onto him by his waist but Roger was pissed and nothing could talk him out of it. 

“Come at me pretty boy-” and Roger did come at him with speed like a ninja and punched him in the jaw with a loud crack. John couldn’t do anything so he just tried to yell for him to stop. 

“Bloody cunt!” the guy got up and stomped to Roger and punched the blonde in the nose and started pounding into his stomach and ribs. 

“GET THE FUCK OFF HIM” John came behind the guy and tried to pull him off but he caught an elbow in the gut that made him fall back in pain. He looked around for help, but everyone seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the men fight.      

“Hey Wanker” A voice came out of nowhere from behind the man who stopped punching Roger for a second and turned around. He was met with a red, angry face of Freddie Mercury as he broke a bottle over his head and the glass shattered everywhere. John almost cringed at the sound as the guy fell unconscious with Freddie standing over him and Brian standing next to him. 

“Babe” Roger moaned as he clenched his nose that had blood flowing out of it and his other hand on his ribs. John crawled over to him and checked him over.  

“I think it’s broken” John moved Rogers blonde hair out of his face to take a look at his nose that seemed to be bleeding more and more. 

“Let’s get him to a hospital” Brian suggested and helped John lift him off the ground as Freddie ran inside to call a cab.

* * *

“I am such a bloody idiot” Roger clenched the bandage to his nose. 

“Yes, you are” John agreed, holding an ice pack to his ribs. Brian and Freddie were sitting in the waiting room while John and Roger wherein a room waiting for the doctor. Rogers was half naked with his shirt off since it had been soaked in blood from his nose. They didn’t give him anything for the pain except for cloth to collect the blood and an ice pack for his rib that may or may not have been broken as well. At least that’s what Brian thought. 

“Freddie beat the hell out of that guy,” Roger said trying to distract himself from the searing pain in his whole body. 

“That was after you nearly broke his jaw” it made them both laugh a little bit and it almost hurt to laugh. 

“Was I really that strong” he looked down at his scrawny arms that were also bruised from the beating. 

“Yeah, you were kind of scary” the word scary brought the blonde out of his thought and stared at John. 

“I didn’t scare you did I-” he didn’t mean to scare him and his head hurt at the thought of it.  

“No Roger you didn’t, I was scared of something else” he moved the ice pack to another part of his stomach. 

“What was that?” for having a biology degree he really wasn't good at catching onto things. 

“That I would lose you” he looked at Roger and had tears in his eyes. They were streaking down his face and he tried wiping them away with his sleeve so that Roger wouldn’t notice. 

“John, it’s okay” he wrapped his free arm around his shoulder and pulled him close despite all the pain he was in. “Look at me” John raised his head up with tears still in his eyes “I love you”. He said it and it felt so good to say it loud and not hold it in. It was either the alcohol or adrenaline that was still pumping that made him do it. 

“I love you to idiot” they laughed together and he leaned in for a kiss. His mouth had blood on it and he still had the cloth on his face but it was still a good kiss. 

“I’m sorry I fought, I was just pissed and I shouldn’t have done it” he looked down at the ground in shame at the pain he caused. 

“It’s fine, just please be more careful” he tried to kiss him again but Roger kissed his hand instead. 

“It’s just fighting comes easy to me” he spoke low and sadly. 

“Why?”John was genuinely interested. 

“My dad he..” his voice trailed up before he started again “he would beat my mom and me, and I would always try to fight back and protect my mom”. John didn’t know what to say, it seemed almost unbelievable to think that the wild and smart Roger could go through all that. 

“Roggie, I’m so sorry” he rubbed his back and pressed their foreheads together. 

“I just wanna let you know that you’re always safe with me, no matter what” he squeezed John's hand. 

“I know that and you’ll always have me, no matter what” he smiled at him, both of them were crying. They held onto each other. 

Now Roger remembers that memory as a found one. It was the first time he ever opened up to someone about his abuse as a child and was the first time he felt really safe with a partner. He was in so much pain during it but with John, he felt nothing but a warm, loving feeling. 

He held onto that feeling even now.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please kudos, subscribe and comments cause I love reading them.   
> -Brandon


	3. Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all feel apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just relized that all the other chapters have taken place in bars :/ but oh wellllll.  
> -Brandon

_ 1974 _

_ You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness _

_ Like resignation to the end, always the end _

_ So when we found that we could not make sense _

_ Well you said that we would still be friends _

_ But I'll admit that I was glad it was over _

 

The sun framed the blonde man’s face like a halo from the sky. The sky was a shade of muddy blue with clouds now just rolling in as the morning crept in. His chest beat up and down as he breathed, his blue ocean eyes covered by his soft eyelids. His fluffy eyelashes resting against his cheeks and the light shined against his cupid bow lips that where cherry red and soft. His hair was a messy mop of blonde that sat against his shoulders and chest as he laid down.   

“Roggie, Rog, Roger” John pushed Rogers blonde hair out of his face. Johns' face was buried in the crook of his neck and his hand wrapped around Rogers small waist. 

“Da fuck do you want?” Roger moaned as he turned over to face the brunette who was also naked from their night of pleasantries. 

“Well, you're in a good mood today” John sat up on his elbow and reached over to give him a good morning kiss. 

He and Roger had been together for about 4 years now, four wonderful and hard years. Since they got together Queen has had more and more success, with 3 albums and another that was still being worked on. Brian and Freddie knew about their relationship and supported it, they knew about them even before they went on a second date. None of the public knew about them and they wanted to keep it that way, their relationship was their business only. 

“Wanna hear a song I wrote?” John asked shyly, he wasn't used to showing his songs. He couldn’t sing like Roger, Brian, or Freddie, he could only play the bass. Roger was usually the one to help him song write, usually during the early mornings after recording. John handed over the slips of paper that had scratched off lyrics written on it. 

 

“Your my Best Friend” 

_ Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had _

_ I've been with you such a long time _

_ You're my sunshine and I want you to know _

_ That my feelings are true _

_ I really love you _

_ Oh, you're my best friend _

 

“Can I guess who this is about?” Roger joked, pressing a soft kiss to John’s forehead that was covered in his soft long hair. 

“The woman who I'm cheating on you with” Roger hit him over the head with his pillow which started an impromptu pillow fight between the lovers.  

“You two are such children” Brian came into their shared room, voice still raspy from the early morning. 

“Ever heard of knocking” John put his pillow down and walked over to the tall man. 

“Wanted to check on the noise, good thing you two weren’t doing what I...thought you were” he looked over at the room, feathers all over the room from the pillows. 

“Can we please have from privacy curly” Roger stood next to John and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“You still mad about your ‘car song” Brian teased, running out before Roger could fight back. 

“THAT SONG IS BETTER THAN ANY SONG YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN” The blonde yelled as Brian made his way down the hall.  

“We should get up, we got work to do” John gave the blonde a deep kiss before heading off to get dressed. The whole band was currently staying at Ridge Farm working on the album, to ‘get away from distractions’ while they recorded. The annoying thing about it was the dirty, mud and the chickens that squawked at ungodly hours. Roger and John got to share a room, Roger offered since John almost got the smallest room in the house. 

“That song, it’s good but...we're a rock and roll band” he raised his hands defensively. 

“It’s not supposed to be hard rock, it’s...wholesome” he searched for the word and pulled his shirt over his head. 

“Fine babe, but I’m not singing happily at home” he pulled on his leather pants and sparkly pink sneakers. 

“Roger Meddows Taylor, you will sing my songs or I will strum your balls up with my bass string,” he said in a deadpan voice that almost scared Roger, but he calmed down when John gave a teeth smile.   

“Fine, only cause I love you” the words I love you still put a warm, soft feeling in John’s heart. It took them a year to finally say it. 

“Love you too” he walked over to Roger and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. They kissed harder and harder, John clawing at Rogers' chest and he felt Rogers' hand run through his brown hair. 

“Back off perv” Roger pulled away from the kiss and looked at the door to see Paul Prenter peeking through the crack. Watching like a slick fly or leech. Roger never had a good feeling about him and made sure that Paul knew they weren't friends. John decided to give him a change and found just how much an ass he really was, Paul also tried to hit on him. 

_ “Hey John, you heading out with the rest of them?” Paul asked John was sitting on the couch of the living room and working on his new song.  _

_ “Nah, gonna stay here for tonight” he looked up from his song and saw the rest of the band leave to get drinks, he really wasn't in the mood that night. Paul sat at the table opposite of him and he just watched John like a hawk. John noticed, not looking at him in hopes he would go away.  _

_ “Smoke?” Paul offered, John accepted politely with a small smile. Maybe he wasn't trying to be weird, maybe he was just bored. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Paul got up and walked over to John, he still didn't look up from the paper. “You with Roger right?” He asked it was none of his business so John almost wanted to ignore him. _

_ “Yes, I am” still not looking up but he could sense Paul's dark eyes burning a hole through him with his stairs.  _

_ “Why didn't you do with him?” Why was he so nosy? Couldn't he just leave him alone?. _

_ “Just didn't want to, Paul” he talked firmly and started gathering up his stuff to continue his writing in his and Rogers room. He stood up from the couch and started walking away but felt Paul pulling his arm back.  _

_ “I bet Rogers off fucking some brunette whore who's not as cute as you” Paul snap like snake venom, John was having none of it.  _

_ “Let go of my perv, or I'll tell Brian, Roger, and Freddie” he held his head up high “and you don't want to see them or me angry”. Roger was looking at the entire interaction from the door frame until he finally had enough.  _

_ “Get. Your. Damn. Hands. Off. Him” he walked to Paul in impressive speed, grading onto the hand that was touching John and stared at him coldly.  _

_ “Whatever” he snapped and walked away as nothing happened, Roger resisted every instinct in his body to punch or kill him. John held onto his arm to stop him from doing anything. _

_ “Did he do anything?” Roger turned back to John, he expression soft and loving as he ran his hand over the mark Paul had left from holding onto him.  _

_ “No, I could've handled it myself” he held the blonde face in his hands.  _

_ “I know, I just wanted to help” he leaned in and kissed John, softly and lovingly.  _

 

Roger had always been protective of John, it was just in his personality. He was always protective of Freddie and Brian. It was nice but also annoying, he hated feeling like he had to depend on Roger for everything. He didn't need someone to be his keeper and that was the difference between them. Their differences always seemed to outway their Commons. 

“Morning darlings” Freddie was at the kitchen counter sipping a cup of tea when they came in for breakfast. Brian was cooking up eggs, bacon, pancakes and of course some tofu scramble for himself. Brian and John did most of the cooking, Freddie didn't even know how to boil water and Roger was banned from being in the kitchen after a...fiery incident. 

“Morning,” both men said, getting some coffee before sitting down next to their bandmate. Roger didn't say anything to Brian, he was still kind of pissy about being walked in on. 

“What's on the agenda for today Fred?” John asked, taking a bite of bacon from his now served a plate of food.  

“I don't know, we could work on your song or Borhap” ahh Borhap, the things that had been on the band's mind for weeks. Freddie's masterpiece that he dragged them into. 

“Sounds great” Brian sat down with them and started eating. It was a quiet morning, a lovely morning. Brian would talk about weird space stuff that none could understand. Freddie about how much he missed his cats. Roger would talk about the news or politics, he loved keeping up with everything. John never would have expected him to be so intelligent, he found it out soon after they started dating. 

 

_ “What's that?” John's face was pressed against Rogers bearing chest after a much needed afternoon nap.  _

_ “Book for school” Roger picked it up from his desk near the bed and started flipping through the pages mindlessly.  _

_ “What's it about?” John sat up, running his hand against the well-used book spine and porous pages with notes written in the origins.  _

_ “Biology, the study of life and living things” the motto was writing on the front and he turned to one page with a diagram of a lizard.  _

_ “Can you tell me about that?” He asked, snuggling his head into the crook of the blonde's neck. Roger then started to explain all the parts of a lizard, their purposes, their evolutionary qualities. He could go on and on, he was even starting to sound like Brian. He wasn't the dumb blonde after all.  _

 

Their good morning was interrupted when Paul came in, he wasn't there for long but his presence was enough to stop all conversation. Roger and John shot him a death glare but Johns seemed the most intimidating. Brian just ignored him and continued eating his breakfast. Freddie did the opposite, he looked at him and smiled at him. “Good morning,” Freddie said to Paul with a small smile. 

“Good morning,” Paul said and smiled back but it wasn't a sincere smile. It was the smile of wanting something you couldn't have, or a smile someone would give you before they stabbed you in the back. He lefts minute later after getting a cup of coffee and he even had the audacity to look and wink at John. John held Rogers hand down the entire time to stop him from throwing a punch. 

“Wanker” Roger said as Paul left and when he knew Paul could still hear him. 

“Roger..” Freddie just shook his head and gave a look that said: “please don't”. 

“Why don't we just fire that guy, he's nothing but a selfish, spoiled-” he could have gone on and one but Freddie interrupted them. 

“Reid hired him and he's not that bad” he spoke quietly, Roger couldn't believe he was hearing what he was saying. 

“Not that bad! He's nothing but trouble, Freddie why are you so into him you can get so much better” he raised his hands up and stood up, John still holding onto his arm. 

“Sorry Rog but not all of us have perfect relationships, some of us have to take what we can get” Brian and John could feel an argument brewing. 

“My relationship isn't perfect, Freddie you can't keep Paul around” he spoke softer and looked at John for some support “I'm worried about you”. 

“Your relationship is perfect” Freddie put down his knife and started leaving. 

“Freddie” John reached for his arm “no, it isn't” he let go and his friend left the kitchen. Brian was silent for the whole argument and Roger looked like a puppy who was left behind by its owner. 

Their relationship was everything but perfect. It was nice, it was hot, it was fiery, it was passionate. But it wasn't perfect, not even close. It was flawed, extremely flawed. There was one thing about John and Rogers relationship: it was like fire, it burned brightly and passionately but it fizzled out. it fizzled out long and hard, but it wouldn't fizzle out forever. 

“He’s upset, give him time to calm down” Brian gave his words of wisdom. They had always been supportive of Freddie’s relationships, just like how they had been supportive of Roger and John’s relationships. Freddie always had a hard time falling in love, he was always envious of them but never expressed it. Roger could understand, it was hard wanting love but never getting it. He had once been in that state of mind. 

“I need some fresh air, Deaky you wanna join me?” Roger asked, offering him his hand which he kindly accepted. 

 

“You usually hate walks,” John said as they walked from the farm and into the countryside, it was mostly quiet except for a few houses and the animals. 

“I do, but it’s better than nothing” they held hands as they walked, looking at the cornfields in the distance and the hills that were covered in clouds. “Is something bothering you?” he looked over at John who seemed to be lost in thought.  

“No, nothing at all” he looked up from the cement ground and smiled at the blonde. Something was wrong, he didn’t wanna say. He wasn't going to say it. 

“I’m worried about Freddie” John leaned his head against his shoulder. Freddie was John’s best friend, he protected him like Roger and was always there for him. 

“I’m worried too, Freddie will make his own decision and we just have to support him,” Roger could see it from both sides. He wanted to protect Freddie but he made his own choices. 

“I know” they walked but came upon a car of people on the side of the road, two boys and two girls. 

“You guys need help?” Roger asked as they came upon the group, they looked lost. 

“Yeah, do you guys know how to jump-start a car?” One of the guys spoke, he had deep black hair and brown eyes. 

“Yeah, I know how” he came up to the car, John stood by him but didn’t hold his hand. He wasn’t really sure about these people but they had girls with them so they most likely weren’t serial killers. “I’m Roger and this is John” he pointed to his boyfriend who gave the group a small smile and waved. 

“Hi” they all gave him a wave. 

“Do you guys live around here?” one of the girls spoke, she was blonde with deep brown eyes. She was quite beautiful. 

“We’re recording down the road at Ridge farm” Roger started taking a look at the engine while still having his sunglasses on. 

“Recording what?” The blonde girl spoke again, looking straight at John.

“An album for our band, Queen ever heard of it?” John answered, leaning against a fence on the side of the road. 

“Maybe I have, I'm Veronica Tetzlaff” the blonde put out her hand to shake and John shook it with a smile. 

“Okay, I think I got it” Roger backed up from the car as it started up. Roger was always good with cars and with his hands so he was able to do it like it was nothing.

“Thanks, man” the brown hair guy shook Rogers hand as thanks.

“Your welcome, be safe out there” the blonde waved then a goodbye.

“Bye John” Veronica waved him bye and got back in the car, she was looking out the window and smiling at him while they drove.

“They seemed like nice chaps” the blonde took John's hand in his again as they started heading back.

“Yah they were,” John said, he didn't know what to think. He noticed Veronica, she seemed like the only interesting person there. He wondered about her.

* * *

 

“John, John” he could hear Brian's voice from outside the door as he knocked. 

“Come in,” John said, he was laying on him and Rogers bed. Reading a book and sipping a cup of tea to calm down from the days recording sessions. Roger was nowhere to be seen. 

“Why didn't you go with Rog?” Brian came inside, closing the door behind him and sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Go where?” the brunette was confused, he had seen Roger a few hours ago downstairs watching TV. Nothing out of the ordinary and he didn't remember him leaving. 

“To the Disco, he left about an hour ago,” he explained. He thought John already knew. 

“I didn't know he left, I should go over and keep an eye on him” he jumped off the bed and started slipping on his coat. 

“Good, he doesn't seem to be in a very good mood” they all knew how Roger was when he was angry. It was not a good thing. 

“What happened?” He paused for a moment to listen. 

“He and Fred got into a fight and then he stormed off” so that was all the ruckus he was hearing. 

“Do you know where he went specifically?” The town was a few miles away and had many clubs and pubs. 

“One down the road it's called The Harp” he gave the direction and John was off to go rescue his boyfriend.

 

He was left searching for about 20 minutes before he found the right disco. He looked for anyone with blonde hair but he only found blonde haired girls who kind of looked like Roger from a distance. That particular club what busy that night and had many people coming in and out. John stepped out of his car, looking all around before finally approaching the club. He bumped into quite a few drunk people on the way to the door but managed to get in. He was hit with the smell of booze and cigarettes, not an uncommon smell in these typed or places. 

“Roger, Roger, Rog” he walked through the club saying his name as he would puff out of thin air. The music was blaring and no one could hear him when he could barely hear himself. He finally decided to look near the bar where he found the blonde leaning against the bar, drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “Rog” John came up to him and Rogers hands came to the collar of his shirt and pulled him into an unexpected kiss. It was hot and messy with the music blaring around them and the taste of whiskey and cigarettes in his breath. 

John was the one to pull away while wiping the spit off his lip from the kiss. “Hi,” Roger said going in for another kiss but he was blocked. 

“What are you doing here?” John wanted answers, not kisses and whispers of love. 

“Just having fun” his voice was slurred and his face was flushed red. 

“Why did you sneak out?” John took a seat at the bar. 

“Freddie was being a twat and I needed some time alone” he took another chug from his drink and stumbled from the table “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere”. He walked clumsily from the bar heading towards the bathroom but seemed to get distracted by something before stumbling somewhere else.  John rubbed his temple, he was done with this and just wanted to leave Roger here and head home. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here” Veronica sat next to John on the bar, she seemed to appear out of nowhere. Her hair was curled and she was wearing a loose white dress and wore minimal makeup. It helped bring out her bright brown eyes. 

“I came looking for someone” John smiled at her since she was the only familiar person there. 

“What’s on your mind?” she seemed to know just the right thing to say and when to say them. 

“I need help with my...girlfriend” he was really talking about Roger but he didn’t want to mention him directly. 

“Well you’ve come to the right person” she ran her hands through her hair “I've never been in a relationship but I could try”. She laughed and John laughed. Her laughter almost seemed contagious. 

“She’s a lot different than me, she’s crazy, ambitious, vicious and I'm…” his voice trailed off like he was losing his voice. 

“None of that I’m guessing” she looked down at her empty glass and then back at John. 

“Yeah, and I’ve been with her for a long time but things have been different these last few months” he took a deep breath before continuing. “We’re two different people and us being together romantically just doesn't seem practical anymore, I love her I really do but we’re too different”. 

“I know what you mean and I think you have to follow however you feel, and you can always stay friends” her brown eyes seemed to shine bright in the pubs lighting. She was beautiful. 

“Thank you, sorry for throwing my problems on you it’s been a long night” he avoided eye contact to break the awkwardness. 

“It’s no problem and I like helping people, I'm a teacher” she kept the same soft smile which made John feel more and more comfortable. 

“That’s nice, do you like teaching?” he smiled back at her. It felt good to have a normal conversation with someone and feel not awkward doing it. 

“Yeah, I’m still in training but I love the kids” when she spoke the whole world seemed to fade out and she was the only person in the room. John snapped out of it when he saw Roger leaning on the shoulder of some girls, chatting them up and showing that bright smile that he used to make John fall in love with him. His heart hurt and his whole world seemed to be falling apart. John leaned in closer to her and Veronica stared him straight in the eyes. They leaned in to kiss at the same time. 

John closed his eyes as they kissed and held the side of his face to kiss her more. He felt Veronica hold his shoulder and kiss harder. John was the one to pull away and rubbed his lips like the kiss didn’t happen. The only thing on his mind was guilt. Like it was eating him up inside and wouldn’t let go. He turned his attention from Veronica to Roger who was staring straight at them. 

“I have to go,” John said quickly as he walked away without looking back and went over to Roger. 

Roger was drunk and out of it. He was chatting up some girls trying to get the alcohol off and trying to be friendly. He looked over to find John and saw him over by the bar chatting and smiling at a girl. He froze and looked at his boyfriend. His hair was messy and he was smiling his beautiful smile. He knew he was an asshole for walking out and would make it up to John. He really should stop drinking.      

He was planning on going over and heading home but he watched as John leaned in and kissed the girl he was talking to. Roger was never the jealous person but this time he was jealous. He saw the way he looked at the girl, smiling and enjoying himself. He felt embarrassed and so, so alone. Maybe he deserved it. 

John pulled away from her when he saw that Roger was looking at him. John walked over to him with a pale look on his face “Roger, can we go?”. He spoke gently and reached for Rogers' shoulder but he pushed him away.   

“I’ll go on my own” Roger spoke quietly and deeply before running out of the bar. He couldn’t drive his car because he was so drunk that he could barely walk straight. He didn’t look back to see if John was looking at him, he didn’t care anymore. He did care thought and maybe a little too much. He ran through an alley and slumped himself against the brick wall. 

He took off his sunglasses and realized he was crying. The tears were rolling down his face and onto his hands and clothes, they just didn't stop. He let himself cry. 

He cried until his eyes hurt and his face was bright red. He cried because of John, he fucked up bad and he would never get him back. He deserved it and he knew it. John didn’t deserve a drunk like him. He was becoming just like his father.

* * *

 

John woke up with his clothes from yesterday still on and the covers through lazily over himself. His arms were spread like a snow angel across the whole bed and the side Roger was usually on was empty. He didn’t know why but he expected Roger to be there when he woke up, waking him up with kisses and pretending as if nothing happened. Roger was nowhere to be found and the whole farm seemed eerily quiet. 

He rolled over and onto his back to sit up and compose himself. He thought about the conversation he had with Veronica, she was right about everything. On the other hand, he felt terrible about kissing her when Roger was right there. He hated cheating and was disgusted with himself for doing it.   

He took one step out his bedroom door and heard the front door slam shut. He walked downstairs and saw Roger, face red, clothes partly torn, and hair like a hornet's nest. He looked like hell incarnated but even worse. “Roger” was all John could get out before Roger shoved past him and went to their bedroom to sleep. 

Brian and Freddie woke up a few hours later. They didn’t even ask why Roger wasn't at breakfast or why John was quieter than usual. Roger was sound asleep from the night do drinking and crying. He didn’t wake up until late in the afternoon where he found John sitting on an armchair and writing in his book. He looked almost surprised when Roger woke up. “Good morning,” John said gently and pointed to the bedside table that had a plate of eggs, bacon, and waffles on it. 

“Thank you” he took the plate and started chomping down, he didn’t realize how hungry he was. John took a seat next to him on the bed and didn’t look him in the eyes. They sat in silence for a few minutes as he let Roger eat and John mentally prepared himself for the discussion they were about to have.

“I want to talk,” John said breaking the silence and Roger sat his plate down. You could see it in his face that he knew what was coming. John reached for the blonde's hand and took it, Roger flinched a little but still held onto his hand.    

“I know what this is John, just let it out” he wasn't trying to sound cruel but he just wanted everything out in the open. 

“Roger, I’m so sorry” he held back tears. 

“You know I love you right?” Roger looked up from the floor. 

“Of course I do” he started getting choked up but he had to keep going “and I love you too. 

“I just want you to be happy, with or without me” he tucked a blond hand behind his ear and held onto John’s hand even tighter. 

“I know and I want you to be happy too, I don't want us to stop being there for each other” he looked straight into Rogers piercing blue eyes, 

“I’ll never stop being there for you”. 

“Something been wrong for a long time,” he said it out loud and he couldn’t take it back. 

“I know, I just never wanted to admit it” Roger had noticed it too. 

“I’m sorry Roger” he placed his other hand on his cheek, trying to make Roger look at him. 

“No, I’m sorry” he looked up and held John’s cheek “Can I kiss you one last time?”. John nodded and kissed him with a fiery passion. This wasn't their last kiss. 

It wasn't even their last private kiss or even the last time they would confess their love for each other. They were young and still discovering themselves. It had to happen, but Roger still wished it hadn't. He would have done anything to take it all back but now he couldn’t. 

_ I’m so sorry John, I'm so, so, sorry.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave some kudos, subscribe and i would love for some comments so you can tell me what you think of the story so far.  
> -Brandon


	4. Screwed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love her”   
> “I know”.   
> “I want to marry her”.   
> “I know and I'm happy for you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be jumping through time and the next chapter will be in 1991. Hope you enjoy the chapter ;)  
> -Brandon

_ 1974 _

_ Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over _

_ But had me believing it was always something that I'd done _

_ But I don't wanna live that way _

_ Reading into every word you say _

_ You said that you could let it go _

_ And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know _

 

“Brian, Fred, can you guys come in the living room” John came into the kitchen where Brian and Freddie were bent over a scrabble board. They all looked up from the game and saw John, he looked a little nervous with his pajamas still on. 

“Okay, be there in a minute,” Brian said laying down his last letter piece to complete the word that gained him 50 points. Freddie rolled his eyes at his victory and followed John into the living room where Roger was laying on the couch. 

John took a seat next to Roger and Freddie and Brian sat on the other couch facing them. Freddie noticed something about the two lovers, they weren’t holding hands or cuddled up close like they always had. They were looking at each other but not talking like they were communicating through thought and then they turned back to their other friends. 

“Is something wrong?” Brian spoke up, he could read the mood of the room and knew something was up with them. Roger sat up from the couch and turned to John to speak first. 

“I and Roger are-” John started but Freddie but in. 

“Getting married!?” Freddie guessed. Oh, how wrong he was. Brian almost groaned out loud when he said it since he could kind of tell what was coming. 

“No, I and John broke up” Roger let it all out. He didn’t wanna hide anything or nitpick their breakup. Freddie blushed with embarrassment and Brian didn’t really know what to say. What would this mean for Queen? Will they finish the album or just throw all the work they’ve done away? 

“What happened?” Freddie was curious, where they still friends? Are they never going to talk to each other again? 

“Doesn't matter” Roger took a cigarette out and lit it since he didn’t wanna make their situation any more of a big thing. “I and John are still friends and we’re still going to play together and finish the album” they all let out a collective sigh of relief. 

“You guys are okay with working together?” Brian asked they seemed to be taking this all too well. 

Roger wasn't taking it too well but he didn’t want to let anyone know. He didn’t want anyone to know that last night he had been crying his eyes out while everyone else was asleep. They didn’t know how he cried so hard that his eyes stung like burning. His sobs that were so loud that anyone would think he was in pain, he really was in pain. They would never know since he didn't wanna be seen as a victim.    

“Yeah, we’re good, right Roger?” John broke him out of thought and he froze for a second. They were good right? Right? 

“Yeah gotta finish this album before we go bankrupt” he lightened the mood a little bit and made them laugh even though he didn’t feel like laughing. There was a knock on the door which was strange since they were literally in the middle of nowhere. 

“I’ll get it” John stood up from the couch and went to answer the door. Looking through the peephole he saw peaks of blonde hair which seemed very familiar.  

“Hello is John-” Veronica was standing at the door. Her blonde hair was curled to perfection and she was wearing a golden sundress that popped against her peachy pale skin. 

“Veronica, nice to see you” John smiled awkwardly at her and waved even though he should have probably shaken her hand. 

“I didn’t know if this was your house so I was just knocking on random doors and finally found you” she gestured to the farm then back at John. 

“Umm..would you like to go to dinner sometime?” he rocked back and forth on his heels working up the courage to finally ask her out. 

“Yes that would be great so how about tonight maybe?” she swiped a piece of hair out of her face. 

“That would be amazing” he smiled at her, now full of courage to talk to her openly. He stood by the door and talked to her for a while. She seemed to know the right things to say and do. Being around her seemed so refreshing and natural. 

Roger watched from the doorway in the other room. Watching the way he looked at her and the way she looked at him. The way he smiled at her like she was a goddess, he had looked at him the same way just a few days earlier. It made him angry and also sad. Angry at himself and her but sad for himself. Like his heart was being stomped on and being given to her as a gift. John would come back to him, right? Right. 

 

“Good thing we didn’t get anything to drink” John had his arm wrapped his Veronica’s shoulder as they walked down the empty country road. They had been out for dinner and then walked around town to look around. It was a quiet night and the crickets were being very loud that night. 

John noticed a few things about Veronica: she was quite like him, extremely friendly and welcoming. They were similar in many ways including religious values. He never got to talk to Roger about religion since he was an atheist and didn’t really believe in religion. He was mostly agnostic since he really didn’t know what was up there and Veronica was a devout Catholic. 

“Why not?” Veronica asked, she was holding John’s other hand and had his jacket wrapped around her shoulders. 

“I’m not much of a gentleman when I'm drunk” He hoped Veronica would never see him drunk. He hoped being drunk with her would be different than being drunk with Roger. They would challenge each other to see who could drink more and feel the worst in the morning. It didn’t really make for a very romantic date. 

“You couldn’t be that bad!” oh how wrong could she be. They came upon the farm, the upstairs lights were still on and the animals seemed to have gone to sleep. 

Brian was probably upstairs reading some space book, Freddie would be at his piano working on a new song, and Roger...He didn’t really wanna think of Roger right now when he was on a date.

“You wanna come inside for some tea?” John asked as he opened the front door and Veronica handed back his jacket. 

“Yes, that would be lovely,” She said with a smile and stepped inside to escape the cold of the night. The fire was going in the fireplace and the living room gave a warm and cozy vibe. Veronica took a seat on the middle couch as John went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. He took a deep breath as he left the room. He hadn't felt this nervous since he first met Roger, it was amazing but terrifying. He snapped out of his thoughts when the kettle made an ear-piercing screech.

“Mind if I have some?” Roger came into the kitchen picking up the kettle from the fire. His hands had bandages on them from playing all day and pieces of his hair were sticking up. 

“Yeah sure help yourself” John gestured to the kettle. Roger poured himself a cup and grabbed a tea bag from the cupboard. John gave him a small nod as Roger went down to the basement. Roger insisted on taking the basement room so John could stay upstairs, mostly because he wanted some distance between him and John for a little while. He shook the thought of Roger off and went to the kettle to pour him and his date a cup. Now he had to make a life or death decision….

Green or chamomile tea? Everyone likes green so that’s what he chose. Veronica was laying out on the couch when he came back in with tea and biscuits. “Here you go” John handed her a cup and sat next to her on the couch. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes as they drank their tea and John just stared at Veronica. He noticed the way she sat, the way she pulled her hair behind her ear or played with her hands. He was fascinated with her “Your beautiful” he didn’t mean to say it out loud but he did anyway.

“Thank you” she looked him right in the eyes and held his hand, slowly moving closer to him. He took the plunge and held her cheek to kiss her deeply. She didn’t pull away and John didn’t either. 

Roger looked on from the other room at the new couple. He knew he shouldn't have been looking but he couldn’t help it. He watched the way he held her thigh and ran her hand through her hair and how she pushed into his lips in order to kiss harder. He tried to tear his eyes away but he couldn’t. “Roger?” Freddie's voice came from behind the blonde, he had been looking at Roger as he spied on John. 

“You shouldn't watch” he warned Roger and it wasn't to be mean it was so he wouldn’t be hurt as much. Freddie knew a few things about breakups and could tell his best friend was hurting. 

“Yeah, I know” Roger took one last peek at John. He was giggling and smiling at her when he pulled away from the kiss. 

“Wanna sleep in my bed?” he pulled Roger by the shoulder towards upstairs. 

“Sure” he smiled at his friend and took his hand so he could go upstairs.

Freddie’s room was the biggest with a queen sized bed and a huge closet for all his clothes. They made their way into the room, the covers were pushed back and it was warm. “You can sleep on this side” Freddie pointed to the left side of the bed where Roger went and sat down. Freddie pulled down his robe to reveal him on only wearing a thong and laid down to next to Roger onto the bed. Roger had seen his friend naked many times so this was nothing weird or new. 

“Goodnight Fred” Roger rolled over to face him and turned the lights off. 

“Goodnight Roggie” he smiled at his friend and buried his head into the pillow to sleep. Roger fell asleep surprisingly well that night. He felt comfortable and safe with his friend. He pushed the thought of John away. 

His heart still hurt but he held no hatred towards John. He loved John still and always would. Maybe this was for the best? It didn’t feel like it right now but maybe it was. He would have to get over it at some point but not now. He wanted to cry but couldn’t. 

He would find someone else, anybody else. But no one would be as good as John, he would never feel another love like him. 

 

_ 1975 _   


John had been staring at the phone for the last hour working up the courage to pick it up and dial the number he wanted. He had been pacing back and forth for that hour and his nails were pretty much non-existent from biting them all day and all night. What was he gonna say? How was he going to react? 

He was his closest friend so it made sense to tell him. What could go wrong?  

“Hello, who is it?” it was late at night so his voice was a little groggy. 

“Roggie,” John said into the phone his voice was a little shaky. 

“Deaky? What is it?” Roger spoke into the phone. He had been relaxing in his bedroom getting ready for bed when John had called. 

“Can I come over?” he spoke quietly for no reason like he was a schoolboy telling a secret. 

“Sure, come right over” John was always welcome in his house, he was his best friend after all. John hung up the phone quickly, grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. 

 

By the time he arrived, it was 12 o’clock and very, very cold that night. John knew Roger was still awake because of the lights that were glowing from his big house. He had been over the night before for some tea but now he was back for very different circumstances. He took a deep breath before walking towards the door but Roger got to him before he even pressed the doorbell. Roger opened the door with a cup of tea in hand and a robe wrapped around himself.     

“Come in” Roger smiled at his friend, handing him a cup of tea and guiding him inside. The house was warm and cozy like his house always was. The living room was near the fireplace so the couch was warm enough for cuddling. “Come sit” he gestured to the velvet couch and Roger sat down next to him. It was starting to rain and he could hear the pattering against the window. John relaxed at the sound as he prepared to spill the beans. 

“John, what is it?” Roger asked, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder. He looked nervous as he sipped his tea and then a thought popped into the blonde’s head. He went over to the other side of the living room where the bar was and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He grabbed a glass and poured some for himself and for John.  “Alcohol always helps” he passed the glass to John to drank the whole glass in one big swig. For John that was more than unexpected. 

“Sorry for coming so late” John finally spoke after he finished his drink and placed the glass down on the table. 

“It’s fine I never sleep anyway” he made himself comfortable by propping his feet up and wrapping a throw blanket around himself. “So spill” he spilled his drink while waiting for him to talk. What he wasn't expecting was for John to burst into tears in a split second.

Roger sat up to pull him into a hug and grab him a tissue to wipe his eyes. John kept crying like he was dying and hugged Roger back, looking for any comfort he could get. He wiped his eyes and tried to stop his crying.   

“Veronica’s pregnant” he burst out and felt the tears coming again. Roger didn’t know what to say except hold him tight. 

“Well that’s a good thing, right?” he pulled away and gave a smile to try and cheer him up. He was happy for his friend. 

They broke up more than a year ago. Roger moved on, it took a while but he started dating again and still kept his friendship with John Strong. John was distant from Roger for awhile but the truth was that he missed the crazy, smart, eccentric drummer. He needed him in his life. Roger was happy that John had Veronica and had met her many times. 

Was he surprised that Veronica was pregnant? Yes but also no. He didn’t think they would become pregnant so early but John never used a condom when having sex with Roger and Veronica. It was bound to happen.   

“Yes it’s good but were not married and the record company won’t give us money to move” he kept crying, finally letting all his thought out. He planned on marrying Veronica but not this early and never under these circumstances. The record company was also being an ass by not giving John the money to get a house where they could raise the baby. 

“Deaky it’s okay we’ll get the money and get you guys married” he tried giving him hope which seemed to be helping. 

“I love her” he stopped crying. 

“I know”. 

“I want to marry her”. 

“I know and I'm happy for you”  Roger looked him right in the eyes and kissed his temple. He didn’t kiss him to be romantic it was just to be comforting. 

“I’m going to be a father,” he said it like he didn’t think it was really like he was going to wake up and it all was going to be over. That wasn't going to happen but he hoped just a little bit. 

“Joh you’ll be a great father” he was being honest. John was kind, smart, loving and neutering like a good father should be. He had nothing but confidence in his best friend. 

“Thank you, Roger, for helping” he hugged the blonde tightly. He hugged him like the first time they had cuddled or the first time they kissed. This time it was a hug of comfort and platonic love for each other.

“So..you need some help planning a wedding?” Roger lightened the mood. He never planned a wedding but Brian and Freddie would be helping. 

It would be the nicest fucking wedding in the world. 

 

“Brian helps me with these flowers” Brian was able to use his cockroach looking legs to put the last bouquets of flowers into the vase. Today was the wedding and John was one huge ball of nerves. Roger, Brian, and Freddie had helped him plan it in only one month. Veronica was still pregnant but didn’t let anyone know like any family, only close friends. They wanted a wedding in a church so that’s what they got and would be 100% catholic and very religious. 

Roger, Brian, and John were the only ones in the church helping set up. John was dressed in a white tuxedo while Brian and Roger wore matching black ones. Roger had never been a big fan of weddings, they were boring, long and overly expensive. If he got married it would at least be a bit exciting. John was sitting on the side of the church, trying to compose himself for the ceremony that would be starting in a little while.

“You okay?” Roger sat next to John and grabbed his hand. He looked nervous and was fidgeting with the end of his coat 

“Just nervous” his voice was quiet and he didn’t look up to look at Roger. 

“You're not regretting it or-” John cut him off in a split second. 

“NO not at all” he raised his voice and then calmed back down. He was happy to be getting married and having a baby. Veronica was also nervous as well but didn’t show it. 

“Your gonna be fine okay” Roger took his friends to face in his and made him look at him straight in his big blue eyes. “Breath” he took a deep breath and John did it with him. It helped to calm him down as Brian came over to join the two other. 

“You doing okay Deaky?” Brian sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. 

“I’m a little nervous but I’m getting better” he nodded his head and smiled at his two friends. 

He was so happy to marry the love of his life, Veronica was the love of his life right? He looked up at Roger with his blonde hair slumped over his shoulder and his blue eyes looking back at him. Did he love Veronica? Right?   

 

Roger hated to admit it but he cried at his best friends wedding. The ceremony was the longest he had even been to in his life but he still cried. Freddie was crying as well so they cried together. They may have taken up all the tissues but there was nothing wrong with it. John stood at the altar holding Veronica’s hand and smiling at her like she was the only person in the room. 

It was sweet and very wholesome. Roger felt the tears coming and tried to hold them back but he couldn’t. He was never much of a cryer but for some reason, he cried. Freddie passed him the tissues and he wiped his face. He didn’t know why he was crying. He was happy for John in all ways but a part of him hurt. 

It had been over a year, they were over and never were going to get back together. They were never going to get married. John had long since removed tbe promise rings they had and threw it away but Roger still had it. He had hung it on a chain and hidden away in a place he couldn’t lose it. He didn’t know why he kept it but it felt wrong to just throw it away. 

It was the memories he held onto. A time when he was genuinely happy and felt love for the first time. That was all over now and he had accepted it. 

After their kiss, John turned to face the guests and looked around the room. First at his friends in the front row and saw Roger clapping and crying. Then back at his family who were clapping and smiling. 

After they left the church and everyone came out to greet and congratulate them. Veronica’s parents came over to him, gave him a hug and gushed over him like he was made of gold. John just smiled and nodded along trying not to look awkward as tons of people tried talking to him at once. After most of the people moved away from him then Freddie, Brian and Roger came over. Freddie gave him a big hug and complimented how great he looked, Brian congratulated him and gave him a big smile. 

Then Roger came over, he looked kind of shaken up and his eyes were kind of puffy from crying. He walked over slowly and pulled John into a big bear hug like it was the last time he would ever receive a hug. John hugged him back, his hug was warm and nice. Roger pulled away with tears still in his eyes “Congratulations John” his voice soft and he smiled up at him. John could see the joy he had in his eyes, the platonic love they had for each other. It almost hurt to pull away from their hug. Roger could see how happy he was with Veronica. 

So happy that it almost hurt him. Mentally and physically.  

* * *

 

_ 1980 _

Roger was pacing up and down the hallway of the hospital. Debbie was still asleep and Felix was in the INCU. His first child was just born and all he could do was pace. He had been so happy to become a father and he still was but this was something he was not expecting.  

 

_ “Boys I need to announce something” Roger came into the studio where they were recording their next album. Brian was writing in his lyric book, Freddie was messing with the mixers while John was laying on the couch taking a nap.  _

_ They all knew he had been dating Dominique for about a year now but didn’t know how serious the two really were. He loved Dominique, maybe not as much as John loved Veronica but it was still something. Dominique was pregnant with his first child. The whole situation reminded him of when John had his first child. Maybe not as dramatic but still crazy. Roger was always on the fence about kids, they were a lot of work and you have to make sure they don’t end up fucked up.     _

_ But since the 70’s he had calmed down a lot more. He wasn't the same person who couldn’t stop partying for his own good. Not the same person who was so wild he couldn’t keep the best relationship he’d ever had (John). The boys sat up and sat close to each other so they all could listen. Roger stood in front of the men and finally revealed his announcement.  _

_ “Dominique is pregnant” he still had his sunglasses on as he made the announcement. They all looked excited, especially John and Freddie his two best friends.    _

_ “Why didn’t you tell us sooner!” Freddie jumped up and gave him a big hug.  _

_ “We just wanted to make sure” Roger giggled with his friend and hugged him back.  _

_ “Congratulations Rog” Brian gave him a hug as well and then John came up to him. He smiled with his usual tooth smile and his eyes seemed so bright with joy for him.  _

_ “I’m happy for you Roger” he hugged Roger extra tight even tighter than all the others. His head was rested on his shoulder and his hands on his back holding him. As they pulled away they looked into each other's eyes for a second. Connecting his light grey and his bright blue. His eyes just saying ‘I believe in you’ believe that he could be a good father and a good husband.  _

_ “Well I'll need your help Deaky I don’t know how to raise a kid” they laughed together, John wrapping his arms around his waist.  _

_ “Trust me you’ll get used to the dirty diapers in no time”.  _

 

 Who was he to call now? They wouldn’t let him see his son or his wife. Felix was born 2 months premature, which is extremely dangerous and sometimes deadly for some. Right when he was born Roger wasn't even able to hold him his firstborn son before the doctors took him away. He couldn’t get a word out of Dominique before he was pushed out of the room and into the hall. 

When he looked out the window and saw the press waiting for him to head out. Like they expected him to throw his newborn out the window so they could take their fucking pictures. It pissed him off, the whole situation did. He just wanted to punch the wall and yell at the doctors to let him see his son. “Roggie?” Freddie stood in front of the panicked Roger who held his face in his hands. 

“Fred what are you-” He looked up at his friend who had a small teddy bear held in his hand and then around the whole hall. John and Brian were also standing next to him with 2 dozen balloons and gift bags for Dominique and the baby. 

“We came to visit” John stood by him with a big smile “How is he?”. 

“he’s...I’m not sure how he is, to be honest, neither do I know anything about Dom” he stood up and rubbed his eyes to stop himself from crying in front of his friends. 

“They won’t let you see him?” Brian asked he was so nervous about having his first son that he couldn’t even imagine not knowing what was going on. 

“No they wouldn’t” as he spoke the doctor came out and gestured for him to come over, “I'll be right back”. He walked into the doctor's office and sat down on the chair that the doctor gestured for him to sit. 

“The baby is okay and so is your wife” these few words almost made him shed tears of joy. 

“Can I see him?” he was practically begging, there’s nothing he wanted more than to see his son.   

“He’s in a NICU so you can’t hold him but you can touch and look at him” his heart broke to think his son was hurting. He wanted to take him home and hold him close but now he couldn’t. 

“I want to see him” he nodded at the doctor and they stepped into the hall. Freddie, Brian, and John were waiting for him as he stepped out “They're going to let me see him, do you guys want to come?” they all nodded excitedly and followed the doctor to the NICU. 

Felix was placed in his own room. The first thing he noticed was how small he was and how red his skin was. There was wired and an oxygen mask attached to him for his breathing. He looked like he was in pain from being constricted by everything. 

“Hey, Felix” Roger came into the room and went over to the machine. He stuck his hands through the holes so he could touch him. He seemed to relax with his touch and opened his eyes. 

“He had brown eyes” Freddie and everyone else stood by the machine and watched as he touched him. Felix’s eyes were big and brown like little chocolate, completely different from Roger big blue. Roger touched the top of his small head and saw evidence of black hair. 

“He’s perfect” He wanted to kiss him but they were separated by the glass. 

“He looks like you” John stood by him and patted him on the shoulder. 

“John he’s two hours old, he looked like a potato” it lightened the mood a little bit and made him feel better even just a little bit. Roger took his eyes off Felix and onto John who was smiling at him. It was a nice moment, to be looking at his first son with one of his best friends. 

It made him wonder what would have happened if he and John had a child. He shouldn't have been thinking about that right here. He was thinking of the past and his son was his future but he couldn’t help it. John was right next to him like they did when they were younger. But they were no longer young anymore. The future was bright and he needed to move on. But he never thought he really could. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i'm updating this at 12 o'clock at night) so you better enjoy this chapter. pls subscribe, leave some kudos and I would love for some comments because I love reading them. Thank you for reading.  
> -Brandon


	5. Days of Our Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter so be prepared to cry. Sorry this took a while or if this isn't the best chapter but I tried.   
> -Brandon

_ But you didn't have to cut me off _

_ Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing _

_ And I don't even need your love _

_ But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough _

_ No, you didn't have to stoop so low _

_ Have your friends collect your records and then change your number _

_ I guess that I don't need that though _

_ Now you're just somebody that I used to know _

 

1991 

Freddie was dying. John, Brian, and Roger all knew that and even Freddie knew it himself. The band was falling apart just as Freddie was himself. John couldn’t even look at Freddie before having a mental breakdown which pissed both Roger and Brian off royally. However, they would have to forget that today while filming their music video. 

Today they were filming their music video for Roger song “These Are the Days of Our Lives”. It was going to be a simple video so as not to put Freddie’s body through anything too physically taxing. “Where’s Freddie?” Roger came out of his dressing room and went straight to John who was messing around with his bass at the corner of the set. 

“No still in makeup” John sat down his bass and stood to talk to Roger. His hair was greyer than it was the year before and the bags under his eyes had become more and more prominent. He showed a small smile at the blonde like he was trying to cheer him up. 

“John” Roger held his hand on his shoulder and looked him right in the eyes “Are you doing alright?”. It was such a simple question but it had many answers. Tell the truth or lie to not make Roger feel bad or bring down his mood.       

“Not really Roger to be honest” he wanted to be honest, he was never going to be okay. Roger knew that as well and he had been feeling the same way these last few months.  

“Boys, Freddie’s ready so we can start” their director came over to them and pat them on the shoulder giving them the signal to begin filming. Freddie came onto the set with Jim helping him. Roger could see the light fade behind John’s eyes as he laid eyes on his friend like he had just seen a ghost.  

“Let’s go John” Roger snapped him out of it by patting him on the back and leading him to the set. Freddie was stood in the center of the set with John on a stool to his right and Roger playing drums of his left. Brian’s parts would be filmed separately. 

Roger looked up at John as he played for a second. He could see the pain as he played, he wasn't very good at faking happiness but he didn’t want to make Freddie upset. Freddie was always protective over John and he looked up to Freddie like a father figure. Roger understood Freddie was loved and cared for by everyone. He cared about his friends more than he cared about himself. 

Roger wanted to do something, anything. Anything to make Freddie better or even John for just a few seconds, There was more under the surface than what could be seen.  

Both Roger, John, and Brian were having problems with their relationships. It caused more tension within the group until they were practically pulling their hair out with stress. It was all becoming too much. 

Freddie went for a break to sit down and rest his leg that had been hurting all day. Roger was sitting outside his trailer waiting to see if he could come in but instead, Jim came out, shutting the door behind him and looking like he saw death. “How is he?” Roger asked Jim who looked just a terrible as everyone else. 

“He’s taking a small nap and then you guys can keep filming” He rubbed his temple and sat down next to Roger. 

“Jim, do you love him?” Roger asked out of the blue. He didn’t know why but it just felt right. 

“Yes, I do so much, more than anything in the world” he could see his eyes start to fill with tears but wiped them away to be strong in front of him. 

“When did you realize you loved him or that he loved you?” Roger was out of it. He didn’t realize what words were coming out of his mouth. 

“I-I don’t really know but off the top of my head was thinking about him all the time. Like 24/7 till I couldn’t go a day without talking to him or thinking of him-” Roger wasn't listening anymore and was lost in his thoughts. 

_ Sometimes I get to feelin' _

_ I was back in the old days, long ago _

_ When we were kids, when we were young _

_ Things seemed so perfect, you know?  _

 

_ Roger looking up at John  as he worked at Kensington Market. His hair long and brown with his eyes a lively chocolate brown. He was young again and smiling up at him with a tooth grin. He was holding Rogers hand and running his other hand over his cheek before kissing him. They were young again and he felt that familiar warm sensation he always felt with John.  _

__

_ The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young _

_ The sun was always shinin', we just lived for fun _

 

_ “Come here” Roger pulling John into his arms as they stumbled into his flat. John was giggling like an idiot and his breath smelled like alcohol from when they where drinking. Roger pushed him into the couch and climbed on top of him and just looked at him for a second not kissing him.  _

_ “What are you looking at?” John asked as he looked up at the blonde who was on top of him and feeling the back of his neck.  _

_ “I love you John” Roger bent down and kissed him passionately. They didn’t have a care in the world when they were together. It was paradise.  _

__

_ Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know _

_ The rest of my life's been, just a show _

 

_ He fucked up again. Dominique left because Roger fucked up so bad. What would Felix and Rory do? Their perfect life fell apart. “John, I fucked up” he dialed the number and John was there to listen.  _

_ “I know Rog, it’s all going to be okay” John wasn't next to him but Roger felt comforted and just a little bit safer. John was always there no matter how much he fucked up.  _

_ John was good. He was always good. He was the only stable person in his life. He was sometimes the only person who would listen. Roger needed John more than anyone.  _

 

“Roger, Roger, Rog!” Jim snapped him out of it. Shaking his shoulder so hard that it almost knocked him over. He hadn't noticed that Jim was even talking anymore or that he was still on set. Roger shook his head and looked up at Jim. “Roger you okay mate?” Jim looked at him with a confused expression. 

“I-I have to go” Roger got up from where he was sitting and went straight for the door. He could hear people trying to speak to him but he didn’t hear any of them, not even Brian or John who was asking where he was going. Roger didn’t even know where he was going except for just leaving. 

He got into his car and drove away. Not looking back at the set or anything around him. It was like his mind was on autopilot. The memories kept flashing in his mind over and over again. It was all too much for him. 

Everything was too much. Dealing with Freddie, John, his kids, his wife, and his marriage that was falling apart. 

He pulled up into a pub in the middle of London and went to drink his problems away. 

* * *

 

The Deacon family was relaxing in the living room of their big house in London. John was napping on the living room couch while Veronica was sitting with the kids Joshua and Laura. The filming had to end early when Roger walked out for what seemed like no reason and no one could get ahold of him. John was worried about him but Roger being Roger he was probably somewhere drinking or just not picking up the phone. John was stressed enough as it is so he couldn’t worry about Roger all day and night. 

It was a quiet night for once. 

John awoke with a thud and rubbed his eyes to see what was there. Someone was knocking on the door loudly and he could hear some slurred speech from outside. His eyes sight finally became clear and he could see Veronica opening the door and outside stood a drunk Roger fucking Taylor. “John?” Roger asked he had his sunglasses on even though it was 9 o’clock at night.  

“Ronnie can you go put the kids to bed” John sat up and Veronica gave him a nod and he said goodnight to the kids before they headed off to bed. 

Now it was just John and Roger alone. “Roger?” John walked over to him but he didn’t seem to be responding and was just staring at him through his glasses. Then the blonde started crying.  

John opened his arms for a hug and Roger fell into them as he sobbed. John pulled him to the couch where he could sit. They just sat there for a minute with Roger crying into his shoulder not saying anything except a few sobs with John holding him. “Roger, what’s wrong?” John tried to help as best he could but it was so strange seeing his friend so fragile and broken emotionally.     

“J-John I’m sorry” he broke down more as he spoke and made sure his friend was still holding him. 

“Rog you have nothing to be sorry about, if this is about walking out of set you don’t have to-” Roger cut him off with sniffled words. 

“It’s not about the video, it’s about everything, it’s about everything-everything I’ve-i’ve” He could barely get his words out. 

“Roger pull yourself together what the hell are you talking about?” he was getting more and more annoyed at the fact that Roger wasn't talking. He grabbed some tissues and handed them to Roger to wipe his eyes and took his sunglasses off. Roger took a second to calm down and breath before he was finally able to speak a coherent word. 

“Deaky the truth is that since Freddie’s been sick I’ve been thinking a lot about our past” Roger spoke slowly while still holding onto John's arm like he would fall over without him. “About everything that happened and everything that is happening and I haven’t been completely honest with you or the rest of the band”. 

“I haven’t been either” John could resonate with him and he felt himself slowly begin to cry as well. Was everything they told each other in the last 6 months all a lie   

“I’m not happy with Debbie but we’re going to stay together for the kid's sake” he buried his face in his hands “Fuck it all seems to be falling apart, especially with the new baby and I can’t-”. It was the first time he even talked about this with someone. 

“Roger I didn’t know any of this was happening” he hugged Roger close, it wasn't just for Roger but also for himself. He didn’t know why he was crying but he just needed to let it all out. “I and Veronica have been having issues” John admitted. First, it was him being gone while on tour then it was his drinking that tore them apart even more.  

“You and she always seem so happy” Roger still held him, maybe it just showed him how nothing was really as it seemed. 

“Yeah we do but we’re good at hiding it” He held onto Rogers shirt tighter till his knuckles were white. Roger pulled away from John and stared at him. 

For a second it seemed like they were 19 and 24 again, young and full of hope and dreams. Not broke and life falling apart.   

 

Roger grabbed onto John’s cheek and kissed him.

 

He didn’t know exactly why he did it but by the time he did it, he couldn’t take it back. John pulled away and pushed Roger away at his chest. Roger just sat there in a daze trying to process what he did or how he was feeling. “What the hell did you do that for!” John stood up from the couch moving as far away as he could from Roger, not even wanting to be in the same room as him right now. 

“I-I don’t know why?” it was like he was in a completely different body and didn’t know how to control himself. Like an animal following its instincts, he had to kiss John. John stood up grabbing his jacket and heading towards the door. “John, John, Deaky please, please don’t go!” He grabbed onto his arm and pulled him into a bear hug to make his stay. He was in no state to be left alone. 

“What do you want from me, Roger!” John raised his voice in a way he rarely did. He didn’t mean to get mad at Roger but if just came out that way. 

“I miss you alright!” he raised his hands in defeat “I miss what he had all those years ago, I never moved on and I-I just want to be with you”. He held these thoughts back from the day they broke up. He didn’t have the same long blonde hair or bright blue eyes but his feelings stayed the same. Not a day went by where he didn’t think about them, the soft kisses, the early morning cuddles. All the things he never got when he was with Dominique or even Debbie. 

“Roger I love you but do you-” John stopped. He thought about the words Roger had just said, later on, he would feel terrible for even thinking about leaving his wife and children for someone he dates 20 years ago. He loved Roger but not in that way, right? Right? “I’m not going to leave my wife and children” he rubbed his temples like this was all one big bad dream. "What happened to us?" He turned away, he couldn't even look at his past lover in the face.

"I love you, John," Roger said, still holding on. Holding onto the hope they could still be together, like when they were young.

"I love you too" he turned back around "but not in that way" he slowly felt his heart shattered. "It's too late Roger". He felt tears start coming again, the memories started coming back harder and harder. 

“I have to go” He looked up and saw Roger with tears running down his face as he walked out of the Deacon house. He didn’t chase after him no matter how much he wanted to. So he watched him leave, his best friend leaves, his former lover, the man he still loved. Veronica probably heard them but he didn’t care anymore about anybody. 

So John went back inside and went to bed but didn’t sleep all night. 

* * *

 

Roger awoke in bed that next morning. He didn’t remember how he got there but all he remembered was the conversation he and John had last night and also the massive hangover he had that morning. Debbie wasn't in bed but he could hear a crying Rufus from down the hall so she was probably trying to calm him. Then the phone went off. 

He rubbed his eyes and held the phone up to his ear “Hello?” asked a tired Roger over the phone. The line was silent for a minute before he heard some distant sobs. 

“Roger?” It was Jim, he was crying. Roger knew what he was going to say next. That his best friend was dead, that he needed help planning the funeral. 

“Jim is the-” Roger already started crying but Jim cut him off quickly. 

“No, no, he’s alive” His sobs weren’t sad but instead tears of joy. 

“Jim, what do you mean?” He sat up in bed and pulled his robe on. 

“He started walking normally this morning then he passes out so we took him to the hospital and the doctors said his body is repairing itself”  _ Freddie is alive, his best friend is alive.  _

“He’s in the hospital?” Roger quickly started dressing, not even bothering to make himself look good.     

“Yes, he’s in a coma but he’s expected to survive once he wakes up” Jim then gave him the address for the hospital and within five minutes he was already on the road. 

When he arrived at the hospital he could see Jim, Phoebe, Joe, Brian, and John waiting outside what he assumed was Freddie’s room. “How is he?” Roger went straight to Jim who looked just as dazzled as everyone else. 

“Still sleeping but he’s stable,” Jim said and Brian came over to them. 

“You okay mate?” Brian asked Roger, grabbing his shoulder to comfort him. 

“No, I'm not Bri” he pulled Brian into a hug which they both needed. John was staring at him while not saying a word. Roger wouldn’t be surprised if John hated him or never wanted to speak to him again. After he pulled away from Brian then John walked over to him. He was expecting to get some snarky comment or look of disgust. 

“You left these” John pulled out Rogers sunglasses that he left last night. Roger had been looking for them all morning but was in a rush all so he didn’t bother looking for them. 

“Thanks” he took the sunglasses and put them on so he could finally see again. Roger didn’t know what else to say, to apologize or say something to break the awkwardness between them. So he said nothing at all.  

*********************************

_ Present day  _

Freddie did end up waking up two weeks later and had a long road to recovery but ended up back in perfect health within a year and a half. Queen after that was well ...stagnant. Roger and John were never the same, they could work together in the studio but their outside relationship was completely destroyed beyond repair. They did one more album all together before John retired in 1997, Roger still believes that he was one of the factors on why he did retire. 

After that John cut off all contact with everyone except for Freddie every now and again. Queen kept making albums every few years without him and kept touring until Freddie retired in 2011. Adam Lambert became their frontman after that with Queen releasing music every now and again. 

“Dad, you okay?” Rufus Taylor held his father's shoulder, waking him up from his thoughts and bring him back to the reality of the situation. John Richard Deacon was dead. Like in the ground, cemetery and under the ground dead. 

“Yeah, I'm okay son” Roger looked up at his son, hiding his tears behind his sunglasses. His son was still here and all his other children were still here, along with his wife Sarina who he loved very much. John was gone. A piece of his heart and past was gone. 

“You wanna head home?”. 

“Yes, let’s go home” Roger wrapped his arm around his son and looked down at John's grave one last time. 

 

_ Goodnight John, I love you forever and always.  _

_ I always have.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story and this chapter. Leave some kudos, subscribe and i would love to read some comments so you can tell me what you think.   
> -Brandon

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this chapter. Please leave kudos, subscribe, bookmarks and i would love to hear what you guys think in the comments.  
> -Brandon


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